Work With Me

This work is for those who want to move beyond inherited scripts — through awareness, inquiry, and conscious choice.

I offer several ways of working together, depending on your context and intentions. All of my work is:consent-based, non-pathologising, and grounded in research, philosophy, lived experience, and ethical reflection.

I am not a psychologist or psychotherapist, and this work does not replace clinical treatment, should you need it. It is educational and reflective in nature, and intended for people who are willing to engage with complexity rather than seek quick answers.

My style is inspired by solution-focused therapy. I believe that the individual is the expert on their own life. I don’t tell you what you to do or dwell on your problems. I offer a judgement-free space where you can safely explore ideas and options that help you move towards greater authenticity and a more integrated sense of self.

Tough choices may be part of this journey, because ultimately you are responsible for who you become.

What I Offer

Portrait of Elisabet Barnes wearing a black turtle neck. Blurred background.

  • 1:1 coaching is for people who want to explore how conditioning and internalised norms shape their sexuality, relationships, and sense of self. Or, for people who want greater self-acceptance around a kink, fetish, or sexual identity.

    This work often centres on:

    • recognising inherited sexual and relational scripts

    • understanding how power, agency, and desire have been shaped or constrained

    • reclaiming sexual assertiveness, sexual self-esteem and sexual satisfaction

    • increasing sense of self-worth

    • integrating desire, boundaries, and identity in a way that feels authentic

    • discovering new dimensions of sexual pleasure

    It is a reflective, educational, and exploratory process — for those who are ready to look honestly at how they have learned to adapt, comply, or self-limit.

  • I work with couples and partnerships who want to explore or deepen their understanding of:

    • kink and power exchange

    • consensual dominance and submission

    • non-monogamy or alternative relationship structures

    This work is grounded in:

    • consent, communication, and ethical relating

    • awareness of how gender norms, cultural narratives, and political systems shape relationship structures and dynamics

    • curiosity rather than performance or pressure

    We explore questions and uncertainty with curiosity, to help you make choices around your relationship structure and/or dynamic. Inevitably this could involve challenging conversations, difficult decisions, and strong emotions. If we uncover underlying problems in your relationship that would benefit from therapy, I may request that you engage with a couples therapist before continuing the work, or in parallel.

  • I offer lectures, seminars, and teaching engagements based on my doctoral research and professional experience in clinical sexology and femdom.

    This work is particularly relevant for therapists and clinicians who want to:

    • deepen their understanding of power, agency, and sexuality

    • discover unexamined beliefs and biases and how they can influence therapeutic practice

    • move beyond pathologising or reductive views of kink, BDSM, and female dominance

    Topics I address include:

    • how femdom can positively impact sexual satisfaction, sexual assertiveness, and sexual self-esteem in women

    • the role of gendered conditioning in shaping female sexual expression

    • expanding understanding of sexuality and relationships beyond vanilla, mono- and heteronormative frames of reference

    Engagements can be adapted for therapist training programmes, professional development days, or conferences and academic settings.

Work With Me

Our Work Together

Unscripted Inquiry - A three-session exploration

This is an entry point for new clients — a space to slow down and look honestly at what is shaping your experience.

Together, we explore:

  • the scripts you’ve inherited or internalised

  • how power, desire, and agency are currently operating in your life

  • what feels constraining, and what feels possible

This container is complete in itself as far as initial discovery goes. There is no expectation to continue beyond it.

Unscripted Becoming - A longer-form engagement

Here, we go deeper into the inquiry, and we explore how insights translate into lived experience — how patterns shift, how choice becomes embodied, and how identity can be inhabited rather than performed.

This is not about self-improvement or optimisation.
It is about integration, coherence, and self-authorship.

Participation in Unscripted Becoming is a mutual decision, following the Inquiry phase. We work in blocks of 6 months at a time, or in other ways that might be more appropriate for your circumstances.

If something here resonates, you’re welcome to reach out. We can begin with a conversation.

Contact Me

Frequently Asked Questions

  • I offer a three-session entry container as a way to explore whether working together feels aligned, and longer engagements are discussed only if and when that feels appropriate for both of us.

    If you’re curious about logistics or fees, you’re welcome to ask when you get in touch.

  • This work may involve conversations about sex, sexuality, desire, power, or intimacy — but it is not sexualised, performative, or erotic.

    There is no physical contact and no sexual activity. The focus is on awareness, meaning-making, and choice: understanding how desire, identity, and power have been shaped, and how they might be experienced differently. We may discuss sex in more detail, dependng on your specific needs, and always within the boundaries that you define.

  • Coaching, as I practice it, is exploratory and future-oriented. It focuses on awareness, meaning, choice, and authorship — rather than diagnosis or treatment. We work with patterns, beliefs, and internalised narratives, rather than symptoms.

    Some people engage in this work alongside therapy, and that can be a supportive combination.

  • If you are experiencing acute distress, trauma responses, or mental health challenges that feel overwhelming or destabilising, therapy is likely the more appropriate support.

    If it becomes clear during our work that therapy would better for you, or a suitable complement to our sessions, I will say so.

  • No. Many people who come to this work do not use those labels at all, or have never engaged with kink. What matters is curiosity, and a willingness to look beyond what you have been taught about sex, sexuality, relationships and identity. If you have read this far, chances are that the life you are living feels dissonant to who you want to be, and you are looking for something different. I make no assumptions about what that might be.

  • You may be invited to reflect, notice, or observe patterns between sessions. I may recommend that you read books, articles, or listen to podcasts.

  • I may work with couples in limited contexts in person. Particularly around practically exploring power dynamics and consent.

    If this feels relevant, you’re welcome to reach out and we can explore whether it’s a good fit.

  • I don’t judge your choices or decisions. Many people begin this work individually before potentially involving a partner. What matters is honesty with yourself about your intentions, and a willingness to take responsibility for the impact of your choices over time.